Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
how does that bad decision feel?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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