I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
