dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
