I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
