Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Umm I'm too high to move.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
