worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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