Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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