If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
