I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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