My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
