is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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