We won't sleep together?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
