I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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