I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
