ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
