flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
