i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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