:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
