did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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