so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
