Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
