her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
