Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize