god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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