So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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