Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
