How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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