Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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