P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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