If that was your dad, he is hot
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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