I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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