The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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