DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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