Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize