Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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