I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
