Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pants are for mortals
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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