So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
