What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
