I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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