no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
