I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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