I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
