she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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