So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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