If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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