I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
