apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
