There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
