I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did i walk over a car last night?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
