hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
