she looked like the bat from fern gully.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
