I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
