dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
