WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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