We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
