I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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