We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
