If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
