So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drake has all the answers
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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