just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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