your parents love me but you hate me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
