I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
