Your tits are I can't wait for
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
