You're completely useless in the revolution.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
