we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
