Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
