When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
