I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize