you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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