I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
