He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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