can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
