Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Randomize
