can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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