So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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