we have pet lesbian snakes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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