Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
