careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
