paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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