Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
