it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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