he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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