just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
