so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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