I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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