good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
