Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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