I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
