I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
