I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
