I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
